I... am love

A friend told me once that I am love. That I love so freely and so deeply that it enables me to see the good in people, that I try to bring that out of them and that I do not give up on someone even when it is clear that that is what should happen. That because of this quality of myself I often leave myself open to the knives of others. That because of this I am unable to stop caring for someone regardless of the betrayal or the hurt and that I carry this wound upon my heart, within my soul and along my thread.

I have been lucky in my life for when it comes to love. The element of it is so easily attained for me in some ways that when I find someone that I connect with love is so easily garnered from that relationship. That with these finding I am willing to surrender parts of myself, to give up myself to a higher meaning. Yet with this, I place myself into a stasis of ecstatic truth, which is a risk that I take. I disarm myself and lay open who I am to the person I find worthy of my affections. That I open myself up so fully and show who it is that I am at my core. That when I bond with this person physically, sexually, mentally, I allow myself to cast aside my fears of love and I subject myself to the moment, the effort so flawless and enjoyable. That I let myself fall in love or I die trying.

Yet with that love there is the fear of loss, the sympathetic death that comes with it. I do not mean the death that you see when one is lost to mortality, but the death of what has been. What could have been. What we were and what we are now. Falling in love is like staring into the sun, but instead of being blinded by that overly bright light, it instead illuminates all the things that matter to you and highlights the good and shows you how amazing things can be. That love is getting caught into something that is far larger than either you or I could ever be apart, but together two people, three people, can be so much more than they could ever have been alone.

So when you lose love, when you lose someone that you cared about, someone that mattered so greatly to you. That promise of forever, the promise of joy and happiness and peace. To contemplate a point where we were together and now that we are no longer together. How could such a thing be so? How could such a thing exist within our lives? That once we were "Us" and now we are not?  Then you look at old videos, old photos of times gone past. Of all the memories held within those times and all the joy and happiness that you shared. Seeing a replay of something that was so real... so tangible and solid. Where did it go? How could it have gone away?

Someone once said that it is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. Part of me agrees with that, for I am love. I love many people and I understand that feeling more than any other. Yet to have lost that love for another, to look at their face and know that there was a time when they would look at you and smile and now they look through you or around you or simply do not even look towards you. It makes me question. Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? Is it truly a good thing to love freely and openly as I do with those I interweave my thread with? Or is love something that is so fleeting, so hard to truly obtain that perhaps while I feel love, it is but a taste of it and I have yet to truly obtain the fruit of the Gods and enjoyed that love.

For now, I am love. I am joy and happiness. I am the trust that is gained with love, yet I am also that sadness and despair, the betrayal that occurs when love is lost. I am emotion, pure.