In the beginning.

In the beginning, there was a man ashamed. Afraid of who he was. Of the potential he was told to have. Of the greatness that he was born with and that he saw within himself. He held himself back, sheltered himself and contained all that he was in himself afraid of what others would say to him, or about him, about what he was and what it was he truly wanted.

When I first came into the scene, not in Colorado, but down in Houston TX, I saw a lot of stuff going on, and well, I was afraid to do much. Seriously, I know. Those of you that know me and talk to me are probably thinking "He's kidding. This guy doesn't hold back, if anything he's a horrible flirt and way over energetic!" Well, it took me a while to do that. I used to be a kind of timid person, used to just not try at all and would hope people would come to me, well, they never did. I was inhibiting myself, afraid of who I was.

Then... I started to stop that. I decided that, you know what? I need to quit this. I need to stop holding myself back. You know how well THAT worked? It didn't. I went out with the intent to be more me... and I shut down more because someone made a comment and it bugged me, so I just sulked into my shell again. I didn't really know anyone so I kind of just did what I could to get out there. There was a TNG that would do karaoke, and well... I like to sing. Turns out that people LOVE it when they can tell how much you enjoy being up there on the stage, so I just kept being me. I would get a rush from singing in front of people, I found my way in. I found my pathway to my inner awesomeness. It wasn't really easy honestly, it took a long time to find it. Hell, if I hadn't found karaoke and decided to throw caution to the wind and just sing whatever song made me feel that day, I would never have been so well off.

So, I kept going on. I moved on from just karaoke,  I started flirting... well, I probably  already had been, but I could tell people liked me. I was starting to feel attractive. I was starting to feel good about myself and so I kept going with what was working for me. I didn't take someone's advice. I didn't do no hokey pokey dance and spin three times while whistling yankee doodle. I didn't even make it a concious decision, it just was. I just started being me, the me I was at the core. I liked boys, so I kissed one. I liked girls, so I kissed many. I enjoyed play, so I played. I enjoyed playing others, so I played them. I just progressed, until things came to last night where I was sitting amongst friends in a cuddle pile watching people talk and hang out. Me, three girls and another guy. Just sitting there, cuddled up and talking. Being happy, in the moment.

In the beginning, I was an inhibited man. Afraid of who he was and afraid of everything that he was going to be. Now, I am a man. Proud of his sexuality, proud of his life and proud of who he finally is.