Alone

I like eating alone and reading alone.

I like to game alone and go out hiking alone.

It lets me cool off and center myself, readjusting to how things are.

But when I see happy families, My menage e trois roommates, or an old friend laughing with his lover.

I realize, that even though I am alright being alone. I do not honestly like being alone.

True, I have learned a lot about myself. I know my habits pretty well, how I enjoy certain things and I branch out from time to time. But when I'm alone, I'm all there is and I don't do a whole lot.

But when I'm with someone. I do so much random shit because I don't like just sitting there with them. I like going out and doing things with that person. Sure, sometimes just sitting there is that thing that we do, but sometimes what we do is random goofy shit. And I really like that.

I like being 'a dork' or arguing over who is sexier. (Me). I liker pushing someone to be better and having someone challenge me to be smarter. Stronger. Swifter. The challenge presented in a relationship is so much more there than I seem to find when I'm alone.

Suire. One can push themselves when they are alone. I'll do it from time to time. But I find myself to be my best when I am not alone.

So sure I like doing things when I'm alone and I'm alright when I'm alone.  But I realize.... I don't really fancy being alone.

Only human?

"You know, we have a saying on earth. We say: "I'm only human." We say it because we're vulnerable, we say it because we know we're afraid, but it doesn't mean we're weak. ... Don't give in to fear. Fight it. Fight it with me."

-Hal Jordan

There is a saying that I've grown up hearing a lot. "You're only human."   Its a saying I did not readily understand. A saying that in turn came to meaning to me that you are weak. You have a limit. Your body and mind is only capable of so much. That you can only do this, that you cannot over come this plateau. That in order for the world to work, there must be those who have no talent. There must be those that do not have some sort of innate skill. That do not have this magical ability to do this one thing or set of things exceptionally well.

You know what? I call bullshit. I call fucking bullshit you belittling bastard of a universe!

You know why I call bullshit? Its because of things that I have seen. People I have met, but most importantly, its because of someone that never existed. Yes, a fictional character made me realize something.

The past couple of years I've been watching an Anime known as Naruto and its expansion Naruto Shippuuden. There is a character in that series known as Rock Lee. This character is unique in the series as he is incapable of using a combat technique summarily known as Ninjustu where one channels their Chakra (energy) to form attacks. He simply is incapable of using Chakra. So he relies entirely on Taijutsu. A style of fighting and combat techniques that rely entirely on hand to hand combat.

In the beginning, he is told he can never be a ninja. He simply cannot use Chakra so he simply cannot be a ninja. He refuses. No, refuses is to soft a word. He spurns the very idea that he will never be a ninja. So he trains. He trains day in and day out. Without fail. Without rest. Never giving up. Never quitting. He dedicates himself to becoming a ninja in the only way that he knows how to.  Through hard work, dedication and perseverance, he pushes through. He does this, despite those who told him he could not do it. Despite those that mocked him, belittled him and doubted him. He performs this act and he excels. He becomes a greater Ninja than many others, gaining him the respect and admiration of many, including his superiors. For he showed that he was able to overcome insurmountable odds and become a ninja where others had simply given up or failed.

I have seen people do the very same thing in life. I have seen a man who was told he would never walk again, let alone run due to spinal injuries curse his doctors and spite them. It took him over a year, but with hard work and dedication, not only did he learn to shamble and eventually walk. He learn to run. He cursed the odds. Spit in the face of challenge and pushed.

So yes. We ARE only human. And humans are an INCREDIBLE creature. We see challenges. We see obstacles in our way and we can over come them. We can see strength and weakness and we can choose. We can choose whether we fall to the weakness and raise about and become strong.

So I refuse to believe that as a human being I have limits. I refuse to believe that as a human being there will ever be something that I cannot do, that there are things that are impossible. Anything is possible, anything can be done. The only thing that will ever stand between you and success.

Is yourself.

Vacinations and why they are important.

So, recently everyone has probably heard about the outbreak of measles at Disneyland, here is a link to an up to date article stating there are currently 87 cases of Measles now due to that outbreak.

[url=http://www.koaa.com/story/27945685/measles-outbreak-that-began-at-disneyland-grows-to-87-cases]Measles outbreak that began at Disneyland grows to 87 cases[/url]

The question is simple, why did this outbreak happen? Well, it all started back in 1998. A British doctor by the name of Andrew Wakefield put forth a belief that the MMR, Measles Mumps and Rubella, Vaccine was linked to bowel disease and autism. A medical journal known as the Lancet, which still circulates today, picked up on Doctor Wakefield's article about how the MMR Vaccine was said to be causing autism in children. Speaking from that perspective, it could be seen as an odd possibility that the MMR vaccine was causing autism as many "eye witnesses" stated they would see their children instantly change their mannerisms the moment the vaccine was introduced into their blood stream. So, for a period of time Doctor Wakefield's work was believed, people were terrified of vaccinating their children  and with heavy hitters like Jenny McCarthy advocating against the vaccination of children, the anti-vaccination movement really took off.

Fortunately, people started looking into Doctor Wakefield's work. Not a single researcher was able to replicate or reproduce in any way Wakefield's findings or confirm his hypothesis of the association between the MMR vaccine and autism or any other disease. However, in 2004 they found that he had a massive conflict of interest. He had been paid by a law board to find some form of evidence that the MMR vaccine had harmed children in an effort to support a litigation case by disgruntled parents.

Wakefield had his license revoked, was incarnated and will spend a rather large amount of time in jail for the lies he made people believe and the damage he has caused.

Now, lets take a look at this lovely picture provided by a group known by upworthy.com

[img]http://upw-prod-images.global.ssl.fastly.net/nugget/53e2505955963259ff000011/attachments/VaxGraphic09-4ab319e1c1efccfcf0d66a682ac52980.jpg[/img]

This graph is from 2012, so it is slightly outdated, but it shows CLEARLY the effect that vaccines have had on preserving human life. Diseases like Polio and Smallpox, where once they had 100% mortality rates? Now are wiped out, we do not see them anymore. Measles? From what was once a major threat, it had dwindled to 61 cases for that YEAR, but due to this recent outbreak we had 87 cases already.

Diseases that horribly maimed, scared, disfigured or out right killed children. Some eradicated, some hobbled so heavily  they have become non-issues. But due to the movement of those who are against vaccinations due to a paper written by a fraudulent fool, some of these diseases will be on the rise. Putting people at risk.

My main issue is this. We have  a vaccine that effectively and SAFELY can erradicate any chance you/your child has of getting a disease that can maim, debilitate or kill, yet you refuse to give this child it based on your foolish belief. Yes, I will call your belief foolish and irrational. Your actions put the lives of those who are incapable of having the vaccine administered to them due to one or more medical conditions at risk. These individual rely on herd immunity, where the vast majority of the group has an immunity to a certain disease, to keep them from getting ill. However, because you were foolish and callously refused the vaccine for yourself or your child, you put them in harms way. A person who would otherwise be safe.

If for some reason you believe that there is any link, what so ever, between a vaccine, any vaccine and autism, please, view the link provided here.

[url=http://www2.aap.org/immunization/families/faq/VaccineStudies.pdf]Case Studies[/url]

In that pdf is a list of various studies down on vaccines. They will even link you to the specific study if you want more information. However, each has a nifty TL:DR for you showing that not once, in any of those studies, involving thousands upon thousands of children, did they ever find any link between vaccines and autism. While they did find side effects, many of which, not all because seizures suck(read into those sections -.-), were negligible with proper medical care.

So please, for the sake of not just your child. But your neighbors child, the elderly person who never was able to get a vaccine and is now to weak to, the person with an auto-immune disease that prevents them from protecting their self. Vaccinate yourself and your child. You do nothing other than foolishly put people in harms way and possibly death's own path by not doing so.


Add on

Here is some more information on measles and it  does to the human body.

[url=http://www.buzzfeed.com/virginiahughes/what-measles-outbreak-actually-looks-like#.iu223W8n8]Measles symptoms[/url]

I desire a difficult life.

Life is a game, and we all get to be player one, right? So why would anyone want life to be easy? When I play a game and I have it set to the lowest difficulty it is insane how stupidly easy that game is to beat. It takes no effort, no drive, I simply have to go through the most basic motions. Life is no different. Life is just another game and when you set it to the easiest settings, all you really need to do is eat sleep, relieve yourself and move on. That is simple, it is boring and inane and I will never do it.

I lost today, and not by any small margin. I took part in a Iron Man challenge and I simply could not compete. I was slower, less fit, I had less endurance,  but I completed the challenge. I took on a challenge that I knew I could not complete fully for one simple reason, or a question rather. Why not? I could have simply sat in my tent and gone and done some simply form of training later, but instead I decided to get up and go compete in this six stationed competition and fail. Why? Why would I purposefully set myself up for failure? I felt like I was dying. I felt like there was no way I could complete the tasks I signed up for halfway through the competition. I tried my hardest to lift that bar one more time but I simply could not do it. Yet I tried the events and I did not quit.

There is a reason behind this. Recently, I've been looking at some old quotes and stories I saved, mostly from Bruce Lee. In one, Lee has this guy running at a decent pace for three miles, and tells him they are going to do five that day. Roughly halfway through the fourth mile, the guy says to Lee, "Bruce, if I run anymore" and they are still running, "if I run anymore I'm liable to have a heart attack and die." Lee replied with two simple words. "Then die," and kept running. When they finally stopped running, after completing the fifth mile and cooling off, Lee explains why he said that he should just die, he told him that he might as well be dead. If he was going to place limitations on what he can do physically, or anything else, it will seep into the rest of his life. It would spread into his work, his morals and into his entire being. There are no limits in life, there are only plateaus and you can NOT STAY AT THEM! You must go beyond them, if it kills you than so be it, but a human must constantly exceed his current level. So the man understood, he drove on. That's the thing, you can not accept what you have, you must always improve on what you have and drive forward.

So, I will never ask for an easy life. I will ask for a difficult life so that I can grow and become stronger than I was the day before.

We All Change

"When you really know who you are and what you like about yourself, changing for other people is not such a big deal" Abed Nadir

We go through our lives being told to never change who we are. To stay exactly as we are and remain this person that someone else sees us as. To never change for anyone because we are amazing how we are. I personally say this is bullshit. That you should change, that we all change when you think about it. As we progress through life we become different people throughout it, and that is OK, its better than OK even. Its a great thing, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be.

And that's the key though, remember all the people that you used to be. Remember that snot nosed child you were, the prima donna, the bully or the nerd, the jock or the joke. The success and the failure. Remember all the people you used to be. I remember I was the scholastic as a child, ahead of my class. I remember being the outcast, the ignored. I remember being the gamer and the lover. A cheater and a loyal man. I remember all of these people I used to be. I remember that I have not always been who I am now. That I did not always have my morals, my acceptance, my tolerances and loves. I remember not 10 yrs ago I would never have associated with the people I live with at home. I remember that 15 years ago, my biggest concern was running away from an abusive brother. I remember all these things but I keep one thing at the forefront of my mind. This important key fact.

Keep. Moving.

Keep moving, keep going. Learn, grow, expand, CHANGE! Change who you are so that you can be who you want to be. Are you scrawny? Gain some healthy weight and get stronger. Are you flabby? Lose that weight and gain some strength. Are you daft, dull, lazy, unmotivated? Get up, go learn. Get an education, pick up a hobby, meet someone new. No matter what you need to keep moving, you need to change who you are so that you can be the best you that YOU want you to be.

So when someone tells you to not change, ignore them. For change is a benefit. Change is a necessity. Change is paramount. Change who you are and become someone better than who you were yesterday. While who you were yesterday is chained to you, do not let those chains remain. Break free of your past and change who you will be in the future!

Because it happened.

Do not  cry because it is over, smile because it happened. 

They say that is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Perhaps this is true  to some, to myself even. I know that I love many and that I have loved a few more. I know that every person I have loved has brought a richness to my life that I had otherwise not had. That I would otherwise not have experienced at all and I would have had nothing but darkness in that place. So I loved, and I lost, and I learned to loved again. The first time I lost the love, I was in despair, I was crushed and it hurt me beyond words could even describe or manifest. As time went on and I learned more, I grew more and I came to understand something. 

That I should not cry any longer because my partner and I are over, I should smile and be happy. I should be happy that it even happened. That our love was even possible. That the light of our joy blessed this plain of existence for even a brief moment in time. 

Sure, once that flame is snuffed out, the darkness returns. But look at where that flame WAS. Look at the ember that remains and the symbol of hope that it leaves behind. For an ember is never dead, and ember is the beginning of new life. I have seen a simple ember in a fire pit turn a pile of sticks and logs into a blazing flame. I have seen this occur time and again the power of just one happy memory turn that darkness away and allow the color of the world come back into full brightness. 

So please, smile. Be happy. Remember what it was like to love, because perhaps you just weren't ready for love at this time. Maybe love wasn't ready for you. But when love comes back, welcome it with open arms and say to it "Come in, sit and stay a while" because there will be a time, when you least expect it. When you will realize that you were loved by someone, and do you know what that means? It means that love will find you again and maybe it can brighten up your life as it brightens up my own.

All that's left

When the fall is all there is, it matters - The Lion in Winter

I was perusing a website, one I frequent less than I used to, and I went upon your profile and I saw this quote on your profile.

Unless you still follow this blog, you will probably not see this, and that is why I write it here.

When the fall is all there is, it matters. How true a line I find this to be. How true I find this statement for the when the fall is all that remains left in the world that two people created, than it is all that matters. When the world that two had once made and were still in the process of creating in such a prolific manner, as creatures such as you and I are prone to do, falls in such a way, all that matters is how the fall was even possible. At least in my own eyes.

I remember from our early conversations, that you are a prolific reader. That you read swiftly all the things I had written and one of your first concerns was that I would write something scathing about you. Something filled with malice and distaste, but you did not know of the writings I did not write for those who did not have such negative impacts. Nay, I ne'er really wrote on those who impacted my life in a positive manner. To busy I was brooding over the negativity that my life was at those moments and to blinded by the harsh reality of life that I did not even consider that there was good worth writing about.

True, you can look at my writings and see that I wrote out such positive things. Yet, at the root of all these positive things what you do not see is the negative sadness that fueled their false message.  So here I write my first message of actual happiness, fueled in part by the sadness of its possible passing, for now it seems. Yet while the kindling of this message was sadness, the sticks and the logs of this message are made of joy and thoughtful remembrance of a time that passed so fleetingly, but in such an explosively joyful manner.

You showed me so many things E. You showed me what new things there were to taste. How flavors could be taken from such simple spices and combined into such magnificent pieces of work. You gave melodies to my ears that they had not had the chance or know how to hear. You gave my mind words that it did not remember, you forced its hand and you made it remember how it used to behave and how it wishes it could again. You rekindled the bravado of my speech and of my movement. You weakened heavily the chains that fantasy worlds had placed upon me and you tore me from a place that was comfortable into a place that I knew was true.

You had me recognize my strengths and my desires. You found a way into my mind that I had not yet found and you showed me things about myself that I could only have dreamed about finding on my own. You worked so much so to improve who I was and to show me new things that I fell upon your words and simply listened. To awestruck I was by your ever flowing intelligence. While you were a jack of all trades and mistress of none I still saw such true beauty and passion in you that I have not once seen in another. To long had I been accustomed to settling for "what I could have" and not "what I needed or wanted" in life.

You showed me that there is something out there that will suit Me. Someone out there that is worth every ounce of my time and effort for I am worth theirs. True, perhaps you are not it for I or I for you, but you showed me that it is possible to find that person.... and for that, I thank you greatly Mon Amie.

Thank you.