It hurts to die.

It hurts to die, just a little, just for a few moments in comparison to our life's. Yet.... it hurts oh so much to live.

Life hurts, it is one of the brutal truths of our existence. To continue to go on with our mundane day to day existence is to continue when the odds may be stacked against us. To move forward and trudge along, pushing through the pain and agony for that pain and agony is not something that lasts forever. It is a temporary pain, a moment in time that passes as swift as the arrow pierces the flesh.

Suicide is an issue with which I have personally struggled. There are still moments when I even think about it, maybe for only a fleeting moment, but for that moment in time I ponder... "What would it be like? Would it hurt? How long would I be missed? How many lives would I leave a tear in for leaving in such a way? What would my son think?" Than I ask myself a seemingly inane question, something I saw once in a Superman Comic. So I say to myself after I ask all those questions "I am in pain now sure. Things kinda suck and I'm not entirely happy.... but can I promise myself that there is absolutely no chance what so ever of me ever being happy again? That there will not even be one fleeting smile left in my life?" To which I can unequivocally say no. There WILL be happiness again in my life. I will be happy again at some point, hell I might find something that makes me smile on my way to where I am going.

That's the thing. That is my key to existence and perpetual movement. Sure, life may be kinda shitty right now, but that is right now. That is not tomorrow, or next week or next month or even next year. In the coming weeks something might turn in the best for me, I might meet someone. I might get that dream assignment. I might get selected for something I have been wanting to do. My son could become something and I would never get to see the man he grew up to be.

So I survive. For survival is easy and anyone can do it. The next step is to live. To fully move forward with my life and to be happy and be something that I can be proud of.

So fight. Survive. LIVE. Find happiness for it is a moment away.